Reflections on the Present

Friends,

Jonathon was the first boy I met in the Hogar. He´s sixteen and was eager to try what English he knows on me. My first night in the Hogar I sat with a guitar in my hands. The boys were all around me asking me to play pop songs I´ve either never heard or never dreamed of learning on the guitar (How does one play Black Eyed Peas on a classical guitar?). In those first few weeks, Jonathon (who also goes by ¨Harry Sucio¨) was a much needed ally. He helped explain things to me in clear Spanish. He defended me. He introduced me to the customs of the Hogar.

The other day I found him sobbing.
¨I´m going,¨ he said.
¨Where?¨
¨I don´t know.¨
He had had a fight with his brother- also a resident at the Hogar. What hurts, I asked. Nothing, he sobbed. And he meant I´m not hurt, I´m hurting. I gave him no advice. For sure, the teacher in me wanted to sit the brothers down and start conflict mediation. Instead, I gave him a hug, and he went to take a shower. I told him to eat something. Actually, I told him the milk is delicious today and rubbed my tummy furiously in a vain attempt to cheer him up.

The next day I talked to his brother as he walked to work. We talked about having brothers, and what it means to have unconditional love for someone. You see these two brothers don`t fight because they don't love each other; they fight because they do. George shared his wisdom with me. He said, ¨He's all I've got. I don´t want him to leave the Hogar mad at me... but he's so stupid.¨

I´ve learned to wait for these situations, when the relationship building pays off, when I can be completely honest with the people around me, when I speak knowing I´m saying exactly what I mean to say (albeit broken, choppy, and badly conjugated). I´m happier knowing I said my piece (peace). George and Jonathon were happy I took time to let them say theirs.

The brothers, as brothers tend to do, forgave each other without ever discussing what had happened. They are stronger for having gone to that breaking point. And I'm more a part of their community than ever.

Christmas gave me the opportunity to feel my place in my many communities. I shared it with the people at the Hogar and church. I shared it with my host family. I shared it with my fellow volunteers here in Argentina. I shared it with my own family in the United States as they gathered for my grandmother's funeral. I am a member of all of these communities, and they are a part of me.

I didn't give many presents this year, just some bread to the people I know and love here. I sent no cards. Instead, I received. I received presents (including a wallet that says ¨I'm sexy!¨ and a pair of slightly used goggles). I received meals. I received well-wishes, emails, and a pile of Christmas cards. My thanks build up in me, and I think I'll take my time, maybe my whole life trying to show my gratitude. Maybe that's why the church sends us (young adults) out to the many centers of the world, so we will have to receive, so we will be genuinely grateful. I'm learning to receive as an act of love.

I tell myself, I've done the hard part of the year. I've built relationships in my many communities. I'm established now. And yet, I know, that relationship building never ends. Jonathon and George aren't done building theirs with each other, nor I with them. I still struggle in my church community to make myself someone more than just the guy who doesn't know the words to the songs. And after this year, I´ll have new communities to join. For me, Christmas let me feel out my place in all of my communities. It felt good.

Andrew